Chin-o-myte!

After roaming around and exploring more, I’ve decided that the whole “I can tell Asians apart thing” is most definitely bunk. I fooled the Japanese into thinking that I was one of them, the Korean-American customs woman asked me if I really were American (not the first time US customs has harassed me about being American), and the Guangzhou-ers speak Cantonese to me first (then ask me in Mandarin what the hell I am).

Being back here is nice.
I’ve already been cut in line and the drivers never signal and scare the hell out of me. I’m surrounded by a sea of neon signs with bad English. The atmosphere is smokey and smoggy and humid. I just spent $2.55US on 3 bottles of tea, a tea-boiled egg, a bag of chips, and some ramen. People think I’m local and then assure me that I’m still one of them. People smoke anywhere and anywhere. It’s wonderful here.

Goals for tomorrow/later today:
1. Procure cell phone that will work when I take it back to the US
2. Avoid getting run over/mugged
3. Buy converters, watch battery, toilet paper, pillow
4. Figure out the metro

hot asian ass

Hot off the press, folks. Mouse over for the pop-snap shot of my wonderful 10cm scar on my “hip” (technically ass). You have to click on it for the full effect. Thanks, birth defect!
hot asian ass

On a related note, it’s a good thing that I moved out of my old house. We started to get a little chigger infestation and one of them decided to chomp on my penis and the surrounding area. Itchy itchy ouch.
(Yes, it was an insect bite. No, I don’t have an STD.)

Slash and burn

So, yesterday, I went to have a mysterious cyst track (located on my upper ass no less!) removed because it was getting chronically infected. As if the shots of lidocaine weren’t bad enough, I had to smell my own flesh burning when they cauterized the area. It was also rather unpleasant to feel the doctor threading and stitching my skin together and to feel the blood drip down my side every time he pulled. Currently, I’m walking around with a 10cm long stitch on ass that keeps pulling but I feel great because I’m on a very lovely narcotic painkiller that gives me euphoira, numbness, and delayed reactions.

In other news, some nasty ass bastard coughed over my Sprite at work so now I can’t drink it, but I can’t really feel anger right now. Or any of my digits for that matter.

Thank you cards from 8th graders

I was doing some volunteer work at an 8th grade career fair a couple of months ago and I received a packet of thank you cards from the organizers. I was working for the Center for East Asian Studies and I was trying to promote the study of East Asian languages. Here are some excerpts from the cards:

“Dear Asian Travel Guy (Michael Bahn?),…
Nihao,…
Sincerely, Yusuke Hirohama [Chris A.]“

“Ni-Hao Azn person who travels around Asia guy, (Michael Banh),
…Even though I am vietnamese, I still want to go around Asia and see the sites…. Hope ta see ya in Asia!… (ban cua toi la be-de, no muon lam sexy time chung vay chu)” [I can't read Vietnamese that well, but I think it translates into "My friend is gay" and then the last part is something about wanting to do sexy time with me??]

“…When you wrote my name in Arabic & spoke some words, i became very interested in different languages & countries.” Note: I don’t speak or write Arabic.

When the jade gates open up to the jade root of the Yellow Emperor… or some shit

I’ve certainly gotten myself into one dilly of a pickle.
I’ve been ignoring my honors thesis (The foundation, evolution, and viability of post-Mao ‘comrades’) and it looks like things have finally come to a head. I have a 50+ page research paper to, uh, start and finish in two weeks. The bright side of it is that I get to read about exciting topics like “Negotiating Anal Intercourse in Inter-Racial Gay Relationships in Hong Kong” and learn the intricacies of cunnilingus and “grinding the beancurd”.
Yippie.

In other news, my new driver’s license came in the mail today. Opinions ranged from “were you trying to be that thuggish?” to “heroin addict on a rainy day”. I’m glad to be surrounded by honesty.